Toujour Pur

this is my come-back post. i ought to go back to writing again. god, it had been months!

btw, i’m already married and 8 months on the way. i’m married to a very good man and i am very excited of our forthcoming baby. she’s due first week of November, probably on the 9th.

hmm. so here comes mommy blogger!! yey..

i would soon doze off into an alcohol-induced sleep. i hope this state keeps the tears from coming. i hate crying myself to sleep..

my food intake is increasing everyday.. this day has been another day spent eating.. i’m just so glad that i have a fast metabolism that’s why even though i eat a lot, i don’t get fat. i’m not diet conscious, i eat whatever i fancy eating. i don’t invest much on clothes and stuffs, my budget goes mostly to food! haha.. i’m such a pig.. writing this post makes me long for food.. with my petite stature and cute size, nobody would ever think that i eat like a man!

what’s wrong with me? i mean, is this a disorder or what? i know what i am doing is being unhealthy, but i can’t help it..  

i’m gonna stay home all day, maybe clean my room and do the laundry.. and i plan to sleep the whole afternoon, pambawi sa very exhausting weekday! harshness.. i wish i’m home ayt now.. awww…

i’ve been meaning to change my blog title for a long time now. i guess because the old title "DESTROY UPON EXIT" has a negative ring to it. and i don’t want others to think that my life’s perspectives are nega. so anyway, i changed it to "TOUJOUR PUR".. i’ve read this two words from the last HP series the Deathly Hollows, it’s the motto of the pureblood Black family. considering my love for the Harry Potter books, this title can somewhat be called as a memior out of him and a dedication as well.

and oh by the way, TOUJOUR PUR means FOREVER PURE.

thanks to the UIC server, it took almost 2hours taking my last exam when the exam can be covered for  a mere 15 minutes or less only..

there’s this someone who’s constantly been a source of annoyance for me.. you know i’m pointing fingers at you! boohoo!!

to adem coz you texted only now! thanks for making me wait for like an eternity..

oh gawd! i’m hating this day! one more major annoyance and i think i’ll be blown away.. 

hon get well soon.. ishi and i will always be here for you, PROMISE..

i know he’s gonna kill me for doing this, but who cares? i’m just proud that he’s mine and mine alone.. haha.. i love you so much hon..

it has been a long time since i cried.. it seems that all my emotions are pent-up and bottled up down inside me that if i don’t let it go, i’ll burst like a volcano.. it felt good to cry.. i haven’t done this a long, long time now.. all day i smiled, showing everyone i’m the same ‘ol kat who’s jolly and who has the warmest smile.. i preocupied myself by reading a Judith McNaught book and going to the mall.. but doing those things has’nt really helped.. when i went home, the feeling’s still the same, i’m still carrying the heavy burden and the big lump in my mouth.. and here i am now, trying to pour out my soul in writing.. i somehow feel unburdened.. i’m glad i finally had the right diversion to keep myself from thinking about him and about US and the situation WE are in..

they say women are a crazy lot, unpredictable and all but i say that men are harder to read, harder to decipher, cold, ruthless and calculating species.. no one really knows how to read and understand them.. you go flinging yourself to them but all they do is thrust you away, creating a barrier no one really knows how to break.. it seems that i already gave my all.. i didn’t hold back.. am i still capable of giving more when in fact all i do is considered unnoticed? 

i want to rewind time of 2years ago.. when i’m all he cares about, when he looked at me with adoration in his eyes, when his warm and ready smile are all for me, when he still sees my importance, when i felt at peace, and when i felt that i was really truly loved.. i miss the all-familiar feeling, knowing that in today’s circumstances, nobody knows what will happen next..

i miss HIM.. truly i DO..

this one’s definitely gonna be a long night.. i don’t anticipate lulling myself to sleep..

*whispers* : goodnight, love.. i miss you.. i loved you then, i love you now and i’ll love you ’til my last breathe..